the grown up version (not so far, just light years)

laughing joyful at myself right now. and at myself, right then.
remembe-learning what my life was like so long ago back when.
things were definitely harder and i had so far to go.
not like i've gone exactly far, but least i know i won't

be going backwards like i was so much in so much ignorance
of what is beautiful and true and no different. t's
not like i'm better now but then i had sure cause to be so whiny
cause i always have been - always will be shiny.

i loved myself a load too much, i think is what it was.
like it was inappropriate... but it never was.
tried to downplay i was special, like why me? what' v' i done?
and just who do - who do - who do - who do - whodoyou think you are?

(i know that last line doesn't rhyme. *shrug* i thought it showed my growth.
that i can write: a poem that rhymes, a poem that doesn't rhyme, and both.)
not only grown, but stayed so oh so oh so stubbornly my own.
never discarding all those things i knew deep down i'd ever known.

just a girl trying to make some sense of her experience
never realizing she was just - but not at all - different
taught so much of separation she'd 'bout given up.
...but just below the surface, gearing up.