Thursday, November 8, 2007

november eight

(in response to november eighth)

I locked up this heart to protect it and I patted myself on the back because a heart needs to be protected. Because a heart is vulnerable to heartache. Because a heart is necessary to live. Because the pain is unbearable.

I congratulate myself because it doesn’t ache like it used to. In fact, it hardly feels anything at all.

I learned to breathe slowly and deeply to control the pounding of my heart and I patted myself on the back because a heart needs to be controlled. Because a heart needs to slow down. Because a heart needs to beat more regularly. Because you aren’t controlled by a heart if a heart is controlled.

I congratulate myself because it doesn’t pound like it used to. In fact, it hardly beats at all.

I built walls around my heart and I patted myself on the back because these walls keep you out. Because my heart is made of glass and you have clumsy hands. Because everyone has clumsy hands. Because I throw things around.

I congratulate myself because the glass is still intact. In fact, I think it’s turned to stone.

I learned to pretend to love and I patted myself on the back because you are fooled, probably too easily. Because you forgot to lock up your heart. Because you are more easily manipulated this way. Because you tend to drop things with those clumsy hands of yours and I can catch your heart and be your hero because I don’t have a heart to worry about dropping. Because it hardly feels anything. Because it hardly beats at all. Because it’s made of stone.

I congratulate myself because I am strong and I will always come out on top. In fact, I stand here proudly, alone at the top.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Amanda Walsh said...

I teared up in the Algonquin computer lab this morning reading this. Good tears :) Thanks for giving a voice to something my soul's felt for a long time. And for being so open... You've got beautiful things inside :O)

Friday, November 09, 2007 4:31:00 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is so awesome i don't know what to say. i identify so readily with this .it's beautiful. i want to write like you.beautiful, beautiful ,BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!DON'T STOP WRITING.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007 9:04:00 p.m.  

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