sometimes i write these for you and then i post them on my blog

they have trouble deciphering where i come from. it is only those who aren't troubled with themselves that don't find this troubling. find me.

i don't know. it wasn't always easier as a kid. i romanticize the memories. probably things were pretty bad. maybe worse. sometimes i wonder how much regression? how much unconscious? what's all gone missing? and why is it there?

but i've given up truly wanting to know these things. truly needing the answers. and merely i wonder because in the wonderment i am amazed and in the amazement my whole body smiles. don't tell me the answers. i'm not done marveling at all the things i don't know.

i found a way to stop time. i don't know that everyone always wants to stop time. i think too many people now are busy trying to speed it up, as if that's not a sign that something's gone terribly wrong in the world today, but not me. not me. don't get me wrong. my life's not so terribly exciting, at least not in that typical way, not so terribly that you want to really slow it down and savour every minute of it. well, not exactly. the situation itself isn't what makes you want to slow it down, but the very act of slowing it down that brings it's sweet sweet taste. i was untangling some chords today. and i'm fucking unbreakable.

and my heart is made of solid solid gold. perhaps surrounding glass, i am still pondering on it.

who doesn't want to tell you these things? anyway, it's hardly ever bad news. and when it's really bad, i'll hug you and you'll remember why bad things happen. and you won't exactly be smiling but you'll know the potential still exists and then again you won't not be either. not exactly.

i fucking love.

(i should put a disclaimer on here: careful. peaceful profanity.)