this isn't the last time i don't know what i'm saying

i make and i break and i take and for goodness sake, or sometimes for some other sake altogether. i've got a million things to feel guilty about and a million things to feel good about, and sometimes i just feel nothing or less than nothing or more and i can't tell you anything about it, and it's not even like i want to. i'm trying not to judge you and i'm trying not to judge me, but instead i just judge me judging you and walk off this bridge or follow you down or watch you fall. or shake my head. or wave. and pretend i'm not relieved you're gone.

i can't tell anymore. but i will again. and over again, this whole thing. fading and intensifying as the colours allow.

and then i'll tell you all the same things over again. but you'll have forgotten it all by the time i've said it again. or you weren't even listening the first time. or i didn't even know what i was saying.