Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Shelter Island

i don't have it in me.

rather, i have it all in me. i just don't know how to get it out.

this is a plea. perfect time, place, person, moment type deal. you know who you are. you have the answers. you don't have to give me the answer. just a clue. just some guidance. just a sign post. possibly hidden by a little overgrown bush, just barely visible. . . but come on. something.

i feel calm. a calmness i wouldn't have expected from myself in the past. a calmness despite my situation. despite myself.

i took a plane. by myself. for the first time, yesterday. i felt calm. of course, there was the take-off. the take-off is my only problem. but that wasn't in my head. it was on the ground. in that i feel totally and utterly connected to the ground. i feel gravity. intensely. i don't think i can say that i feel anything so intensely as gravity. it's the same thing with edges. it's not in my head. it's on the ground.

i am so small. the earth is so big. and you might not notice it, but it's moving, man. it's effing moving. and that's a huge centripetal force. tell me you can't feel it. but i know you can't. i don't know many people that feel it in the same way. the slightest pressure change. the slightest change in speed. they tell me they love takeoff, it's the landing they can't stand. something about crashing and not trusting the pilot. something about fear of a little bumpiness. they think i'm crazy.can't you feel that, man? can't you feel it?!

and you're calling me crazy. pfft.

i heard a story of a boy who approached another boy on the beach: i like what you are reading. . tell me about it.

i heard a story of a boy who was in the line for the ferry and he wanted to dance. so he danced.

i've read about this boy. he reminded me so much of another boy i know. turns out the two met on a beach. the boy i know invited him home. and in true couch surfing fashion, the other accepted.i hear his father made the other boy sleep on the beach.

dude. some people just don't understand.

i learned these things on my last day in shelter island. it was too late. it's never too late.



i'm not saying it's you. but you are a part of it. i've known that for a while.

i'm getting on with things. i'm just having a little trouble getting started.


Blogger Rally said...

I am going to pretend that somehow your blog is all about me. It will give me a greater sense of purpose. So....

No, this is not going to work. I can't make this all about me. I used to be so good about being all about me....

How about I make this all about you.

Thursday, August 17, 2006 1:13:00 a.m.  

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