Thursday, December 8, 2005

My name is Alison, and I have an addiction

I’m addicted. Hopelessly, and helplessly. What? you ask, is the object of my uncontrollable desire.

Pepsi.

That shiny blue aluminum can, cool to the touch. That hiss of escaping carbonation when the tab is pulled open. The sweet delectable taste of the thick beverage, and the rush of sugar and caffeine.

I feel I must explain how all this came to be. I was a devout coke-head not too long ago. But then my brother-in-law took a job promoting Pepsi, the fine salesman that he is – Quaker to be exact. Since then, Coke is forbidden in this household, and all things Pepsi flow plentifully… too plentifully. The refrigerator is constantly being restocked, just when I think I may be getting a much needed forced withdrawal period. In fact, I find myself drinking it faster just so that it is gone, and cannot taunt me from the shelf in the refrigerator in all their aluminum glory. But just when I am getting close, maybe two or three left, a whole new case finds its way magically into the house. How do it know?

In an attempt to alleviate my guilt and thwart your growing view of me as a person of no will, I must point out that I have a medical condition. As a migraine sufferer, the necessity of caffeine in my diet fuels my Pepsi addiction. For anyone who doesn’t know, a migraine attack causes the blood cells in my wee little head to swell up, causing pain as they attempt to fit into places they just aren’t the right size for. The caffeine counters this effect by shrinking the blood cells so that they can pass easily. It’s a fine balance of course – too much caffeine and I get a migraine, no caffeine and I get a migraine, just enough caffeine can keep the migraines at bay, and when my caffeine levels are low I can often take a quick shot of my liquid gold and the migraine usually subsides.

Does it mean anything that I have never had a drop of coffee in my life?

Everything is bad for you nowadays, anyway. And the negative effects of caffeine have been greatly exaggerated, as have the dangers of so many other things. That’s societies kick: keep ‘em scared, everything is dangerous. Well, I like to live on the wild side.

Everyone is addicted to something. I’m just willing to admit it.

The game, you lose.

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