Pooped. (Yeah, i see a lot of that these days)

i'm sorry. but i have nothing left for you. i have nothing left for me.

i am lonely. though not lonely enough to want the kids to come back after my lifetime-in-one-day at the daycare. but sleeping alone in a strange house with a strange smell in a strange neighbourhood eating alone and trying to occupy the night hours until you can finally crawl into someone else's bed with someone else's sheets and pillows and smell... it's all getting to be too much for me.

i hear the kids even after they leave. the past ten minutes, i kept having anxiety attacks that one of the kids was still here and i forgot to give them to their parents (as if their parents wouldn't notice) because i kept being sure that i could hear the kid breathing. i've figured out now it's just the dog. i don't like dogs.

you know that adorable 'why' stage that kids go through?

shoot. me. times. four.

i think i'd like kids better when they are my own. i just keep wondering where their parents went wrong and keep thinking to myself all the things i will do right.

eff. i forgot to feed the rat and the fish and mist the snake and the tarantula.

but i did watch the snake eat two mice today. i was excited to see it because i thought it would be interesting and cool.

just. gross. don't. bother.

not even slightly interesting. though he does get his jaw pri.t. big.

there's a kid sick every day. it's getting to be ridiculous. the worker guys are fixing the bathroom so there is no upstairs bathroom and no working shower (my one home night a week is my blessed shower time... i know. gross. but there's no point in showering around germy dirty kids anyway). and the workers turn off the water every day and because of the banging and the blocked off back hall, i can't let all the kids nap. plus there is no room for them anymore. i miss my blessed nap time.

don't get me wrong. i still think kids are cute and i still love them and ... who am i kidding?

no, i'm kidding. it's just been a rough couple of days with all the sickies and the more-than-usual number of children and the banging of the bathroom-fix-up.

i don't know. i'm out of words. little d took all my words today. just like he will continue doing for the rest of the month. i swear i will be mute by the end of this. if not having already shot myself.

that was a joke. it wasn't a funny joke, i know. i'm lonely and crabby, so sue me.

i haven't read any blogs all week.