Eight

I called up my friend with eight fingers to take this picture.

"I'm not a freakshow, ab. You can't just put me up on your blog for all your friends to gawk at."

"Don't worry about it, no one reads this anyway... the only person who does has webbed feet so she'll probably take comfort in you freakishness. No one is judging you."

My eight fingered friend is so paranoid.

I bought him gloves for Christmas. I hope he likes them. I couldn't find eight fingered gloves so i just cut a few extra holes in them.

In case you are wondering, he can't do anything special with his extra fingers. The hand works just like yours or mine, except for one thing. You know how people often say 'my hand has a mind of its own'. Well, my friend's hand doesn't exactly have a mind of its own... but those extra three fingers do.

I think that's why he's so paranoid.

If you take a look in the picture, the extra fingers are the two on the ends, and the third one - the head honcho - is fourth from the left. They have been well placed to infiltrate the rest of the hand, and have easily gained control over all the other fingers and turned them against my friend. The thumb - yes that's right, he has 8 fingers and one thumb - hangs out alone, and the other fingers taunt him. I promised thumb that I would do my best to hide him in the picture because he doesn't like to be associated with the others. People always assume the thumb and the fingers are in on everything together. It's a misconception.

Yesterday, i suggested having the extra fingers surgically removed and the hand slapped my so hard it left a print on my face. Thumb's print is there, too, but i don't blame him. I know he was there against his will.

I could tell that my friend considered the option, because the hand slapped him, too! Unfortunately for my friend, the extra fingers can read his mind, but he can't read theirs. There would be no point for this anyway - even if he were to know that he was about to get slapped, he could not get away... he's always an arm's length away.

My friend would like it noted, for the record, that he never agreed to this picture. The fingers, on the other hand (well, the same hand), are exhibitionists and rather liked the idea of people gawking at them on the web. I told them i get a lot of blog traffic.

Fingers will believe what they want to.