Wednesday, March 22, 2006

My Cats Are Better Than Your Cats

my cats are better than your cats. seriously.

it doesn't matter who you are, or who your cats are or just how cute you think your cats are. they just aren't as cute as mine. it's been settled.

and dogs just... well. they're dogs. i mean. c'mon people. you must see the problem, too. it's just so obvious. the smell. the slobbering. the desperate attempts at attention. eff. they are worse than children.

booger baby - and i use this term in the nicest possible way cause he's my fave, and just happens to be sick, so booger baby is a descriptive term and nothing more - crawled onto my lap today and had a little nap. and eff, if that's not the cutest thing ever. babies, even booger babies, are sickenly adorable when they are being sickenly adorable. who said 'terrible twos' anyway... musta meant effing fours. big baby is throwing tantrums all over the place. but thanks to super nanny on TLC, i know the trick: ignore them! sounds terrible, i guess. but it's really the only thing that works. why do kids do anything? for attention. and why do they keep doing things? cause you keep giving them the attention, you fools! give them attention when they deserve it, people. DO NOT REINFORCE NEGATIVE BEHAVIOUR.

anyway, snuggly babies = the cutest. tantrum babies = not the cutest. therefore, snuggly babies = not tantrum babies, or something like that if my logic class taught me anything... which just proves that logic is not logical cause we all know snuggle babies can = tantrum babies, and that's why we don't kill em off. eff'n little schizophrenics.

z: i write it e-f-f.
a: no, that's the way i write it.
z: you must have stole that from me.
a: you must have stole that from my blog. anyway, r told me he had never seen anyone write it like that before.
z: i must have stole it from your blog.

eff'n plagiarists.

... just two more weeks and two days left of this insanity. and by then it better damn well be eff'n spring so that i can dress all springly slick to make up for the re-used, boogered on, spit up on, all over child dirted on clothes that i have been living in the past week and a half.

eff, i need a shower.

** disclaimer: not meant to discourage any future parents. kids are really not all bad, in fact they are mostly good. and pretty easy, too (there's always tv. or pretending to fall. or making funny noises. or shaking your head back and forth and making a funny face. kids are suckers for the simple stuff). just don't have seven children that belong to other people and don't be the person who is thrown into the lion's den without any of the kids being used to you. their worlds are small and the slightest change is the hugest deal. and when they are really upset, it's never for the reasons they tell you... mostly, they have no idea why. just like they don't know when they've eaten too much. or if they are tired. mostly they don't know what they want ever, even when they think they do. ah hell. they are mostly just like us, cept littler. with teeny tiny high pitched voices. that they use at incredi-high volumes no matter what to make up for their small stature.... see, just like us. **


Anonymous zohguy and his cats said...

Well I'm sorry friend, but MY CATS are way better than your cats.
They are not even in the same league. My cats are so f*cking smart that they have been nominated for 2 (not 1, but 2) nobel prizes. They are also working to find out a cure for cancer, aids and feline leukemia.
My cats are so cool that stephen hawkings call them when he can't figure out a solution for a problem.
So don't come tell me that YOUR cats are better them MINE.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 6:54:00 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No seriously may think your cats rock but I dislike animals, and I think these cats she speks of have something desirable about them they will round house kick your cats to the face, try curing cancer then


Wednesday, March 22, 2006 8:34:00 p.m.  
Blogger Rally said...

I like the addendum on the kids. I am going to pretend that it was solely directed towards me. I don't care that it wasn't. I am simply taking it as only for me.

I have two cats. They are moderately acceptable. The fat one is great, she is just fat, and doest nothing. The skinny lanky one looks like a squirrel, and I think he pisses me off on purpose. No smarts, just annoying.

This is my longest blogationship with someone....Am I supposed to buy jewelery for the occasion?

Wednesday, March 22, 2006 11:14:00 p.m.  
Blogger Phoe Misplaced said...

Rally is a LIAR. This is his wee wife, and I feel I am obligated to defent my puss.

The lanky squirrel one is WAY smarter than the fat one (she's fat, and that's about all she is). God, if my cat purposely does things to piss off my husband, that has to show some sort of mental capacity.

Plus, he comes when he's called, and he talks back to you if you have questions. Maybe this is because I am marooned at home, but I have had quite a few long conversations with the critter.

(Or maybe I am just crazy).

P.S. Boogeer babies are gross.

Thursday, April 06, 2006 2:55:00 p.m.  

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