and you were confused. until
the music rushes in
- crashes.

hadn't the words. until
the music rushes in
- massaging.

opening worlds,
a glimpse of which will do
- amazes.

opening of minds,
a glimpse of which will do
- amazing.

iPhoto effects review

some people think this is creepy.

at least it's? something?

la la
lala
la la
lala
la la

*sigh*

this is why i don't blog... maan, this is pret.ty.ter-rible.

but it's hard, you know. this thoughts to words on paper. or in this case the computer screen. this thoughts - to - words - on - paper - thing.

i'm dizzy. i'm, sorta been - dizzy for a while.

what is the deal? with the punctuation.

i'm very hungry. it's a good thing i am carrying bread in my purse. wrapped in tinfoil.

the bread. not the purse.

i'm tired. i apologize. you should not have seen this. but i felt bad. i felt neglectful. i felt bad. forgive me, blog.

the eve of

you are on the doorstep of the moon. where tragedy and wisdom dance like fools, drunk on words, giggling clouds of truth to a sleep walker tying imaginary running shoes. wearing imaginary clothes. selling imaginary cigarettes. to people being pulled around by strings. but you... you visit often with the sunset. you ride horseback with the night. and when you sleep angels hum beautiful melodies to encourage your dreams.

pretty up and down

this pretty up and down of life. it's down and up and down and up and up. it's life. it's happening all around, while i stand still. action not required. just be. while it happens. all around. just breathe. and let it happen all around. and soak it in. this pretty up and down. soak it in and up and down.

you know what it is to feel beautiful. you know what it is to feel beautiful and free and easy and alive. and you know it comes and goes, though. it's pretty. it's up and down. it's life.

it's pretty, you know this.

and you know what it is to feel. and you know what it is to care. and you know what it is to think that enough, i don't care, not one more time, not for no one. and you know it never lasts. cause the pain that comes with feeling is every time more tolerable than the world would be without having felt it in the first place. the world is intolerable without this beauty. this pretty up and down. and you know the only point of it in the first place is to feel. to be. to breathe easy and free and pretty up and down. you know it only ever mattered that you had it anyway in the first place. not that you managed to keep it clutched in your hands away from the light and the air and the everything that is and changes and happens and pretties all up and down and sideways.

and you're not one to feel afraid. i know, i know. you're always scared. but you're not one to feel afraid. yer silly, you just want attention. yer bigger and grander and simpler than that. and you've always understood the pretty up and down.

don't let other people make you doubt yourself. you're tired is all. and silly and stagnant and inspired.

just like that

gasping for air

it's heavy. heavy and thick. like a the kind of heat that you have to swim through, heavy. and real. like watching something die. and it's wrapped tightly around my breathing apparatus. just enough to breathe as long as i don't panic about it. we're in trouble if i panic.

you can only not panic for so long.

but what's the point for you?

there are so many different things to say about people. so many different stories to tell. so many gifts around so many corners. so many pitfalls.

it's easier if i stay on the tightrope sitting perfectly middle. it's easier less feel. and a smile or at least a smirk upon your face.

frollick with holick

peace mister guitar man. i will cherish the memories of you and yours and some friends of ours in a decked out trailer in a parish yard. i will cherish your musicallude.

you can relax now, dude. we will miss you.

opaque

i have to take minutes tonight. what a powerful position.

take minutes.

like i should be carrying a whip or something.


i should say more things. more things to say things. not to just say things. you know how people are always just saying things? to just say things? to just make voice noises. to pretend to talk. mock communication.

there's always things to say things. and there's always people to say things to. and there's always people always people saying things to you. it's called listening. not just to people but to you, too. by you i mean i. but to you. whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever you do. whatever. no use.

i've got things to say people. but apparently.

i am unclear.

and apparently, still pissed off about a grade.

everything's going to be ok

and to accept the things that i cannot change.

there is something to be said for recognizing one's own limitations. this is something that i'm actually pretty good at. i have no idea how good i am at hiding this. or if i'm actively hiding it or not.

and it's best to do best on the things that are important.

any what?

procrastinate. procrastinating. maybe this is how i do my best work? i'm un-m-concentrating, whatever that means.

it means i really don't want to do it any why.

i'll just take it in the pockets any who.

and money don't mean that much to you.

just sing.

even the smallest things are beyond your control

Think of a merry-go-round, the kind you played on as a child. I can remember getting that thing going so fast I could barely hang on. But I remember that the closer I came to the middle of the merry-go-round, the easier it was to hang on. In fact, if at the middle on the hub, you could just sit there—hands free.

The present moment is like the center of the merry-go-round; it is the place of stillness where one can rest, even though life is raging all around. The moment we begin to live in the past or the future, we leave the center and are pulled to the outside where suddenly great energy is demanded of us to "hang on," so to speak. The more we give ourselves over to imagination, living and grieving over the past, or worrying and sweating about the future, the more we are likely to be tossed off the merry-go-round of life.

- Mark Mallett

there is a path, but no right way to its finish

My own (admittedly limited) experience with people who have become great friends of God is that their spiritual capacity is matched by a strong tendency toward rebellion and riot. Their fidelity is all the greater for being persistently tested. What matters is arriving at the destination, and the only way to accomplish it is to keep moving, undeterred by mistakes and mishaps—whether these come from one’s own will, from powerful forces within, or from outside. It is to be expected that our journey will veer away from the theoretically correct course. Instead of denying that we have gone wrong, or continually backtracking to the point where we went astray, we must set a new course determined by the real situation and its relation to our destination. Prayer is our means of taking a sighting of re-orienting ourselves by re-establishing contact with our goal. In the presence of God many components of our life fall into perspective and our journey begins to make more sense.

—Michael Casey, The Ancient Wisdom of Western Prayer

alison waits

he spoke in sing song voice and he sang of spoken silver rolling slowly slowly down his chin. he moves of moves so meditated he's practically not thinking.

just enough for standing.
just as sure enough as standing.

okay, jim.
okay jim?

i gotta get me a hobo hat.
chase me some trains.
just move natural.

and He saw that it was good

you've learned nothing?

to acknowledge but to still not grow is tragedy.
and my hats off to you sir, cause the way is so easy and natural. and you choose difficult, hard.

society or the egg?