Monday, October 30, 2006

miss ya, bubbah.

feel as music

life's got everything, eh? funny things, happy things, sad things, weird things, awkward things, boring things, exciting things, scary things, interesting things. lots of things this life's got. i'm impressed. hats off to you.

music's a time when i can forget about me and contemplate life. more music, more of the time. my mother would disagree. but if it weren't for the way that i feel when i listen to music... well, there wouldn't be life. that's just how it goes for me. that's just how i feel. maybe it's different for you. i know for certain this is not how everyone feels. and it sort of pains me to hear.

like i feel i have to enlighten them. but then again, that's just me trying to impose my better-than-everyone's-views on everyone else. not that all my views are better than everyone though. but especially the music thing. it's so personal for some reason.

i am tired.
i am always tired.
what is up with that?

i am digging this sun up thing, these days. with the time change and all. but i am not digging this sun down thing. how am i going to get in my evening walks, when the sun is down by the time i get home and i find it creepy to walk around in the dark.

i need to relax.

everybody just needs to relax.

and i want a typewriter. yeeeah. that's really what i need. typewriter.

i have to think about how to aquire a typewriter now. bye.


Friday, October 27, 2006

..... and i forgot to mention that at one point in behind the singing is a guy saying the lyrics but with a really sassy girl voice on. and it's like the dude is standing right there with his hand on his hip, flipping his imaginary hair. it's invincible.

yeah, i'm talking about purple bottle again.

there's a little voice thing like fireworks that happens in this song that is the most amazing. like little vocal fireworks. it happens twice and just like that and amazing.

go listen to it.


pro procrastination

when the activity itself is putting it off, you'll never get anything done.

until of course the very last moment. and then the activity is catching up. i'm always catching up, sitting still, catching up, sitting still. is it like this for everyone? to avoid inertia. even in an active state, it's still inertia. personally, i feel that's just as lazy. besides, i push myself more during those short sprints. i reach and set new limits.

wow. what praise for laziness and procrastination.

i am the queen of justifying anything.

as an afterthought, i wear my necklace as a bracelet because it feels really interesting on my arm. i wish that you all get the chance to feel this one day. it's invincible.



Monday, October 23, 2006

i tried to post a photo

how much my happiness is contingent on the usage of my vocal chords.
simply, i love to sing.

also, my happiness is contingent on this song.
purple bottle by animal collective is the most killer song i have heard in a longish time. i mean, i have heard lots of awesome songs. but this song makes me want to die FIVE TIMES because i am so happy. and then all over again when i make it repeat over and over again.

get that wooooooo
get that wooooooo
get that wooooooo
get that wooooooo
get that wooooooo
get that wooooooo
get that wooooooo
get that wooooooo

you get that crush high
thoguth i crushed all i could
crushed all i can
then i crunched your hair.
crush high.
don't want it to stop.
cause stories of your brother make my crush high pop.
and you couldn't really know, cause it's in my toes.
and sometimes you wonder where'd that crush high go.
crush high
then you go and take some pills
cause i can't do all of my do's and still feel ill

get that wooooooo....

i will refrain from writing all the lyrics. listen to it and tell me how you feel. feel free to go into long long details about exactly why you like it. that is how much i like the song. i want to go into long long details.

i've got a coat of feelings and they are loud.

i haven't even told you the best parts. like the george of the jungle drum beat. effing ay plus plus.

listen to it and tell me how you feel.
you will be graded.

i am not required to tell you the criteria in advance. it will only skew the results. just do what you've been told.

there's a feeling in your bottle
found your bottle, found your heart.
there's a feeling in your bottled little part.

i think in actuality i almost die from happiness more like seven times in the song. seriously. i thought five was a large enough number, but now that i am listening, incredibly i think it's more like seven. that is a large success folks. i suddenly want to go on a letter writing tirade to the bar like some wacked out teenage fan bubbling over about how their song rawks. specifically, just like that: r.a.w.k.s. yeah man you get that woooo. quoting their words back to them and so on and so forth. lawl. it will be awesome.

i love letters.

i am in love with every detail of this song. it is so very much in the details.

i haven't seen the movie about a boy in a way too seriously long time and that makes me think i should put it on a very important to-do list. this will probably be the only thing i check off. i am so lazy. and this is so very important.

kick me every time i take my life for granted. for the most part, it's a seriously grand old time. and you are all so entertaining.

la paix.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

housecats and coatnaps

it is a day for housecoats and catnaps.

part of me wants to let you know that every day is a day for housecoats and catnaps. but today, it is the only viable option. even the snow-slush-rain is pointing in the general direction of housecoats and catnaps.

it's a little early this year for my first snow day sweater. (though, i don't even know if my first snow day sweater fits anymore). but i think i will make a judgment call about this first snow day thing and dismiss this one as a valid snow day cause it's not going to stick. it's just gross. and you shouldn't reward gross or it makes itself a habit.

a good thing, too, because there's no point for a first snow day sweater on a day of housecats and coatnaps.

Friday, October 20, 2006

make be

you're make believe.
i love make believe.
but it's just make believe.

make believe.
make. believe.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

awesome mix

01 the purple bottle - animal collective
02 mushaboom - feist
03 milk - kings of leon
04 grounds for divorce - wolf parade
05 you wouldn't like me - tegan and sara
06 genius - inara george
07 the walk - imogen heap
08 god bless the child - maestro
09 combat baby - metric
10 we will become silhouettes - the postal service
11 peach, plum, pear - joanna newsom
12 butterfly - mason jennings
13 several arrows later - matt pond pa
14 golly sandra - eisley
15 let go - frou frou
16 about fun - psapp
17 sewn up - rogue wave
18 something for the weekend - super furry animals
19 let me be - xavier rudd
20 my paper heart - the all american rejects

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

i am struck again by the presence of another me.
i am struck again by the presence of me.
i am struck again.
i am struck.
i am stuck.

i am out of sorts
i am in a familiar
i am out of my mind
i am calm inside


boingie boingie boingie boingie
and other random noises

things are getting
out of


and i need a nap.

Monday, October 16, 2006

who are you?

la la la lala la la la

i can't hear you.
i can't think.
i don't care.
i'm tickled pink.

i can't hear you.
i can't think.
i don't care.
i'm tickled pink.

la la la lala la la la.

that would be too much - don't push it.

you don't know what this means.
not even i do.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

i'm glad my life is
not so complicated.
not so big.


i was scared for a minute there.
that things couldn't go back to normal.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

we miss the cats

yeah right like just in ten seconds i have no idea what? whatever



and everyone right in their own heads.

and even your little place is extraordinary.

even your little place is a world.

even your little place

is sometimes bigger than others.

people oh wow oh people

Thursday, October 12, 2006

it's like a bar graph


so many people i interact with in one day. but
feel impartially more responsible. for
every moment.
than any other.

until i'm severely aware.
of my
in every situation.

and that's why i'm out there.

serving food.

to people starving in third world countries.

how can you judge intention?
when so much intention is so unintended.

this is not work.
of art.

and what does it all?

say about

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


what should i ask for next?

roses?. . roses.

ready for here

and here i am. in the place where all i have to do is take a few steps and i can say: Here I Am. and i'm ready to take on life. i'm ready to take advantage. i'm ready to take apart. i'm ready to make allowances. i'm ready to fall apart. i'm ready for awareness. i'm ready all around. i'm ready as an animal; an angel on the ground.


i don't know why, but i might be in love with this picture. i don't know why.

i don't know why.

when i look back over my left - right? right? left? left? left - shoulder just slightly it looks like there is a rather bobble headed man, but a man nonetheless, lying in my bed. there obviously isn't. but i still have to turn and make sure.

one time, i was walking down the street on a rather sketchy dark cold montreal night and i was feeling rather edgy. i ran into a friend who scared the shit out of me because i didn't recognize him in the dark and he looked like a sketcho. so already edgier. and so i'm standing there and i glance ever so slightly over my shoulder and i twirl around flailing cause i'm sure it's some man crouched down behind me, like how my friend wouldn't have noticed, but it is just a parking meter. needless to say, my friend thought i was the sketcho. . ... i was the sketcho.

there were lots of sketchy people in the park today. myself included.

also a possibility: i think everyone is sketchy.

it is still to be determined.

give me something worthwhile to write.

Monday, October 9, 2006

Flip-Flops and Leaves

there are two types of people:
people that rake their leaves,
and people who don't.

the people who rake their leaves tend to look down on the people who don't. it's a sad fact that people will use anything to look down on others.

for example. i look down on people who look down on people who don't rake their leaves.

everybody's got a superiority complex.


these things i surmise by walking in the neighbourhood.

walk alone. and breathe like you feel.
notice always the smell.

-as a side note, my yard is covered in leaves-

dedication: f.a.

there is a boy.
he has been
and continues to be.
one of my favouritest people in the whole wide wide wide world.

maybe first place. but i don't want it to go to his head.

not that it would anyway.

you are one of the most humblest, simplest, loveliest creatures in the whole wide wide world. his is an aura of peace. and i swear to God, i will find myself in that neighbouring triangle cottage in the magical magical forest.

it will be the last thing i will do.

because, then, everything will make sense. and there will be no reason to leave.

pretty much, i love you. tell j pretty much the same thing.

i will see you at christmas and i am looking forward forward forward. but not at the expense of today.

i am bringing my guitar, sir.
sir, bring your ears.

Sunday, October 8, 2006

did you see that? that was a real one.
did you see that? i'm loved.

Played Out Expectations

i warned you. and you played it just like i expected you to. you are the one playing into this notion that i am different from everyone else. ts'no wonder i feel this way.

don't call me normal.
don't call me buddy.

don't give me false impressions.


i can't even figure out if i'm mad about it or just relieved.

i'll never be challenged if you all keep playing into my reality.

Saturday, October 7, 2006

it's not always what you think it means

It's Always Been Just About Me

i have a feeling this is going to get a little disjointed.

so i guess i have my answer and my answer is no one. it may be that no one can understand me any longer. it seems so clear to me when i look back.

i don't remember half the stuff on here. but i amuse me.

and it's too bad that you don't read cause it is funny to laugh at people when they are dumb and especially when they fully admit it cause then you don't feel bad for laughing at them and they are hurt. but then again that might be funny to someone. but i am disregarding those people. i don't want their evil laughter.

i totally looked at the comment on the last post really excitedly, wondering why i didn't get an email notice about a comment. i did so before looking at what i had written and i am thoroughly disappointed to see that it was just me. and i only tricked myself. and no one else. but only because no one reads this.

so it's not disjointed. i'm lamenting my lack of attention. though i can't actually say that it bothers me much. i do this mostly for me.

the truth about me: the moment i feel most incredibly and beautifully in now is when i am standing outside watching the canadian geese migrating and making that beautifully rude noise they make.


rude  /rud/ –adjective, ruder, rudest.
1. discourteous or impolite, esp. in a deliberate way: a rude reply.
2. without culture, learning, or refinement: rude, illiterate peasants.
3. rough in manners or behavior; unmannerly; uncouth.
4. rough, harsh, or ungentle: rude hands.
5. roughly wrought, built, or formed; of a crude construction or kind: a rude cottage.
6. not properly or fully developed; raw; unevolved: a rude first stage of development.
7. harsh to the ear: rude sounds.
8. without artistic elegance; of a primitive simplicity: a rude design.
9. violent or tempestuous, as the waves.
10. robust, sturdy, or vigorous: rude strength.
11. approximate or tentative: a rude first calculation of costs.

pretty much, i love you.

Monday, October 2, 2006


poll of the month:

pictures = likey?

(a) yes.
(b) no.
(c) *because i don't read*

i am going to comment:

me: (a).
me: that's why you post them.
me: silly girl.

Montreal is a Beautiful Photo and Photos Don't Know

exploding with potential.
but suffers hands of art.
only to be rewarded
once or twice.
and naught so victori'us
for that matter.
it don't matter
close enough.

Sunday, October 1, 2006

Haikus and Stuff

* (to make up for the last post)

i like these pictures very much. it's possible you won't. for a variation of reasons. because i don't know who you are and how i could be misinterpreted in any number of ways. expression is like that. and now in my vague, purposely misleading and brutally honest way i will give into my tendancy towards over explanation.

i'm going to start listening to christmas songs early this year.
just sprinkle it in, just a pinch early cheer.

'ts'just only where you look for it.
'ts'only everywhere you go.

don't tell me i can't look for it in my way.
in my book.
don't tell me i can't look for it in your way.
in your book, too.

'ts'just only where you see it.
'ts'only everywhere you go.
though might not see it where you see it.
't'still everywhere we go.

don't tell me i can't look for it in my book.
i never said thatabout yoursabout you.
don't tell me i can't look for it in my book.
how could you know which book is true?


i never said that.
don't abuse my words like that.
they are feelings, too.

all i can say is
all that i can understand.
through only my eyes.

i never said that
i don't respect that you have
only your eyes, too.

all i can say is:
what do you have to say, too?
this thing called talking

i never said that
i only always have to
be the one speaking

all i can say is
because someone has to
if you're not going

i never said that
no, that's only your infer
it's just what you heard

listen listen me
i'm not saying anything
you put words in me

listen listen you
you're not saying anything
but putting words in

Morning Post

where did all that blood come from?
and what is that smell coming from the washing machine?
now it's many different smells and it's followed me upstairs!

i've had a weird morning all ready. and it's still quite early... well, i guess for the weekend.

what does my timestamp say? it used to be way off when i first started this. i can't remember if i found and changed these settings.

good morning, everyone.

i wish i had a story to tell you. but i don't often tell stories anymore. i used to love telling stories. and i had a story for everything.

which reminds me of a story.

this story is an indication of just how often i used to tell stories.

old roomate one: you know, i have an uncle who owns a peanut farm. *guffaw guffaw eyes wide open and nodding*
me: oh?... why are you looking at me like that.
old roomate two: yeah, he makes peanut butter. *exhibits similar type of nodding*
me: you guys are weird. what's going on?

that was less of a story and more of a play. i don't know what's what anymore?

ok, so i guess the explanation part. shit. i'm bad at this. i've lost my skills.

't'turns that before i had come in they were talking about how i had a story for everything and decided to come up with something totally random that they would bring up (peanuts/peanut butter... peanut butter was an improvised side plan i think when the peanut farm concept didn't take off) when i came in the room and they thought i would come up with a story that i could tell that in some way related to peanut farm. they ruined their chances by the stupid grinning they were doing which, at the time, was my only focus. distracting me from all the possible story-activating neural associations. i have a lot of those.

awesome story. in the sarcastic way. i am going to put asterisks from now on to connote the intonation of sarcasm. is there already a symbol for that somewhere.


i rock. really truly i do. a ha. yeah, not so much.

onto other things, i suppose.