Thursday, December 27, 2007

break your towers

it's not about the stuff. though there is something to be said for the giving and receiving, but you know it's the thought that counts. it's not about the food. though there is something to be said about those fudge covered graham crackers and twice-baked potatoes, but i hear you made those with me in mind. it's not about the tree. though there is something nice about everyone gathering around, but obviously that's about the people.

if you want to focus on the material, by all means, create your own reality. and you will attract more and more of the same. and you can pile all your stuff up around you, build a little tower for all i care. my love walks through walls. and anyway, you are missing out on all the hugs up there.

merry Christmas, loves.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

for jp

because for some reason she doesn't know she's special. because for some reason she doesn't know she's interesting. because for some reason her model of the world includes averages and extremes.

you are not average.
you are a+ special, but grades don't make the difference.
you are superb.

but at the same time, you are normal. dear girl, you are normal. in that, you do not suffer alone. your world of extremes and neuron noises at three in the morning and food games and fear of rejection and ploys for attention and not following through and wondering about this thing called happiness and anxiety and so-called gutrot and hermit-like depression and self-sabotage and worried about what other people think and knowing you shouldn't and ramblings of a mad woman and substance abuse and desperately wanting to be patted on the back.

and i know for a fact people feel the same way about snoop dogg.

you will have to submit to this dichotomy before you get any peace from it: you are so truly unique and yet so excruciatingly excruciatingly normal. this second part of it is just what we call life. the first part is about what you do with it.

and the only thing that brings me any peace of mind is breathing from the belly, like a child.

and one Love.

Monday, December 17, 2007

frantically searching my river

i find you, like most people, in bits and pieces all over the place. i find you, like most people, looking basically the same as me, maybe with a different hat. i find you, like most people, sailing smooth and free down my river. i find you, like most people, paddling frantically even though the water is at peace.

but i think it's only because you, like most people, like to see the patterns your paddle disturbance makes. and when the water settles, it is reassuring. and it reminds you that everything eventually returns back into the calm.

i find you, like most people, controlled by the current. i find you, like most people, alternating between acceptance of this fact and desperately desperately trying to fight against it. i find you, like most people, passing riverboats on each side and waving to them, frustrated because this is all you can do with passing riverboats.

i find you, like most people, unlike most people.

but it's a good thing, because we're only inviting one of each - we're having a riverboat party and you're invited.

Mr. Gore and his truth

As I take a break from something like my twenty-third hour of shoveling this week, I begin to ponder over Mr. Gore’s inconvenient truth. While snow doesn’t necessarily mean that the temperature is any colder, a quick chat with my knowledgeable friend, Google, confirms what many of us, shovel in hand, have already come to believe. Weather forecasts show below average temperatures and, you may want to turn off the snow blower, come inside and take a seat for this next one: Environment Canada is predicting that we may be in for the coldest winter in fifteen years – so my mom was right when she said she hasn’t seen snow like this since the seventies. I wouldn’t know what the seventies were like, but I certainly know that I’ve never shoveled so much in my life! So what of this inconvenient truth? So what of this global warming? For those of us still rubbing the feeling back into our toes and fingers, warming certainly doesn’t ring true. But all this shoveling certainly is inconvenient. Probably some of us are wishing Mr. Gore would turn in his hybrid and start pumping out those emissions again. We’ll rub our hands and hold them up to the exhaust, like we’re gathering, cozy around our living room fireplaces.

So no, I don’t believe in global warming. I guess that puts me out of fashion these days, but I never was one for trends. The weather on the other hand, she loves trends, especially long term trends that occur over many decades. I’d call it climate change but Mr. Gore has hijacked this term to dub his ‘truth’, while in reality it refers to warming and cooling. Both of which we have a lot of in Canada – in degrees ranging from sweltering to frigid.

Don’t get me wrong, I commend Mr. Gore for drawing attention to our rather outrageous footprint on this our precious Earth and I fully support doing everything we can to make amends to her. However, we should be doing so for better reasons than fear. We should be doing it because we care about our Earth and because we care about our fellow human beings, not because it is trendy. We should be doing it because we know better and we have the tools in place to make a difference. We should be doing it precisely because we should be doing it.

Winters like this are convincing detractors from Mr. Gore’s ‘truth’ and while encouraging green-minded thinking as a means for combating global warming is clever, my fear is that this eco-friendly attitude cannot be sustained if future data finds such an inconvenient truth crumbling. So get back out there and finish your shoveling. But instead of grumbling, spend a minute being inspired by the wonders of snow and sky and earth. Let this be your inspiration for reducing, re-using and recycling. There is far more power in beauty than there is in fear.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

like some kind of rocket ship time capsule

cool. they are going to launch a book with my name in it.

Monday, December 10, 2007

re: psychobabble

i'm thirsty for mercy
and bending and sending and tending it all along
hope you can taste it
not chasing it, no because
everyone's making it, yes, now and all along

yours for the taking

compassion's in fashion
and kindness is blindness and mindlessness all because
light is so strong,
only soul all along
and i'm happy just being, like bees just because

yours for the taking

s'enough of this stuff
so take it all, make it all, shake it all up around
yours is a gift
a liftoff for everyone
use it all up, carelessly throw it all around

yours for the taking

Saturday, December 8, 2007

inspired you me.

i always thought that inspired was something that happened to you: something inspired me. but inspired is something that comes from inside of you.

inside you
yes, and all around.

to say i was inspired
like it's coming from somewhere else

i was inspired by a tree
i was inspired by a book

but the sentence does not, in fact, leave anything ambigious.


like it's a state of mind.
like all i had to do was choose to be.

so i choose to be inspired. in this moment. by anything and everything that happens to be

right now.

and forget about every time in the past that i was not able to be. because

right now

it all inspires me. because i am inspired.

and as long as i am inspired i am strong. because this inspiration inspires me and inspires me and inspires me and i know that just like this i will always endure. and to be strong is to survive. your survival is incredible - you inspire me. and so on. and so on.

and so on.

because it's all happening to me. read you. me. you. me.

and so on.

and it's never this body.
that soul.

it's even bigger than that.

our muse.

holy inspiration.

inside and all around.

i'm no music teacher

my timing is perfect. but really i had nothing to do with it. the pitch is just right, sure, but don't ask me how. my melody is rich and full and important and perfectly ordered but i didn't make up the words, and i have no idea how to sing. you just grab hold of the note and you do it. it is a most precious gift that i am allowed to dance on top of all of this. to play with these rhythms and shake harmony from my bones. it's all so pre-arranged, but i never feel contrived. no, not anymore. not since i found my freedom here. following from the lead, dancing and laughing all the way around. cause it's never exactly a straight line, though it sometimes may feel like it. no, we meander and sometimes we take a rest somewhere off the path, in a beautiful field that's been placed along the way. the rests have all been accounted for. the rests are the path. and the path is a spiral, so we sometimes feel out of control. like we should. because we are.

get out of control. you're only struggling with an illusion.

Friday, December 7, 2007

ask and you shall receive

i am gently guided by an unseen hand to people and places that are waiting for me and don't even know it. unexpectedly, they are expecting me. and i am not expecting to have been expecting them all along. all i can do is smile and gratefully accept what i have been given, the direction i have been walking all along even though i sometimes feel directionless. and a part of me chuckles because it's known these things all along. my surprise is amazing. it amuses me.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

your heart is in the right place.

inside my chest?

no, everywhere.

exercisers in the park

up step
down step
up step
down step
up step
down step

ummm, they have stairs for that, you know. stairs that actually go somewhere. benches are for sitting. you've got it all wrong.

you don't have to be going somewhere to be getting somewhere.

... by jolly! you're right - i'm just sitting here.

Monday, December 3, 2007

no problems like these

i shoveled myself into a corner
i painted myself into a box

which is only a problem if you are afraid to get a little wet.
or colourful.