Thursday, June 29, 2006


that's a lot to do in one night. but i feel like tonight will be effective. put on your game faces.


things are getting in the way. i've already done that for the day.


my mom picked me up outside liz claiborne today, where i was buying her birthday present and subsequently buying myself a skirt and some jewellery, because gosh darnit they have some cute clothes in there - and the salespeople liked me or at least pretended to and that's enough for me.

me: 'i bought a skirt. they have some cute skirts.'
my mom: 'you wear liz claiborne.'
me: 'they have some cute skirts.'

everyone's always so suspicious around their birthday.


oi-vay. the lists seems endless suddenly. carry on.

and oh. i am in love with this skirt. this will brighten many days.

ok. carrying on. *pauses to twirl in skirt a little more*



which should in turn make packing easier to do. . .


i've changed my mind, i've got plenty of time. and i just want to finish this.

i hope this thing doesn't time-out.

the following is not complaining: my left ring finger hurts, the right side of my jaw hurts, my shoulders hurt all the time and my neck is stiffening. each only really bothering me if i pay attention to it, so not a big deal. but i'm thinking. maybe work doesn't agree with me? maybe the aerodynamics (this is the wrong word but will have to-do as i cannot come up with the other) of my work station are not inline. maybe the repetitive features of some of my employment related to-dos have caused physical deterioration already! i'm worried, friends. but nothing i can't counteract with a daily dose of vigorous stretching. it will be alright.

i just forgot to take my vitamins.

stay the course, friends.


Wednesday, June 28, 2006

fuss: 1 a : needless bustle or excitement : commotion b : a show of flattering attention 2 a : a state of agitation especially over a trivial matter b : objection, protest c : an often petty controversy or quarrel

Sheep Coats

interrupted. interruptions. everything is an interruption from what i want to do. which is nothing. at least that's the way it looks from the outside. through the square.

everything's fuss. fuss. fuss. everyone's fussing all over everything. fussers, i've another eff word for you.

i blame you for all the fuss.

i'm worried that everyone but a select few have just gone plain crazy. the madness in the world. astounds me. it simply astounds me. it frightens me. and the sheer volume and force of it all is so clear to me that i tingle constantly with anxiety. has the whole world gone mad? can i trust no one?

just look at the number of pedaphiles you can coax to one location. one location. in the space of time they spend taping the specials i see frequently on tv. one location. and they've done this a number. a number. of times. it's. . sickening. doctors. lawyers. religious leaders. teachers. all busted right there on national tv. awesome. sickening.

a whole new spin on reality tv. now that's reality. tv.

but we've created this. i guess. we've created a whole new era of crime. hilarious that privacy protection becomes high priority in a world that splashes itself all over the internet all day long. not created, perhaps (if there's anything that i've learned from my time in science it's that certain causality just basically doesn't exist in what we know of life), but enabled at the least. or brought it up front. up front.

well. that would be easier, wouldn't it? no sheep coats. wolves walking up all 'hey, i'm a wolf.'

i'll do this for you. i've always got to be doing something for someone.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

God is Everywhere

you're everywhere. like God.

Odin is a god of war and death, but also the god of poetry and wisdom. Odin can make the dead speak to question the wisest among them. Odin has only one eye, which blazes like the sun. His other eye he traed for a drink from the Well of Wisdom and gained immense knowledge. he is accompanied by the wolves Freki and Geri, to whom he gives his food for he himself consumes nothing but wine.

one eye. omnipotence. but i already have these associations. who is this Odin?

you plagarized from the pagans, too.

speaking of plagiarism. the stuff on Odin was plagarized from here. learn yourself something.

speaking of plagiarism. the first line was stolen from a coworker, but i figured that because it was about me i share ownership.

did you catch that, people: i am God.

i've been trying to tell you that.

don't worry. you're a part of it.

Saturday, June 24, 2006


no one's ever grown on the path of least resistance
John Gettlefinger, safe to say

this potential is staggering.
this potential is suffocating.

this potential is staggering
this potential is suffocating.

growth? or death? choose. control. choose control.

spread it around.
restrain physical outbreaks with hugs.
pay attention to the exhale.

these are the three simple rules.

maybe you don't feel the same responsibility?
maybe you can't feel the crushing weight of the potential?
maybe you aren't paying attention.

pay attention to these three simple rules along the way: spread, restrain, exhale.

the method, however, may need elaboration. guidance. good lukc. good luck.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Day-Glo Power Walk

i write to you all the time in my head. in fact, i already wrote this.

i don't always follow through.

in·do·lent: (adjective) 1. (a) Disinclined to exert oneself; habitually lazy. (b) Conducive to inactivity or laziness; lethargic: humid, indolent weather. 2. (a) Causing little or no pain: an indolent tumor. (b) Slow to heal, grow, or develop; inactive: an indolent ulcer.

does power walk sound indolent to you!! take that. booya.

woah. my head just did the weirdest thing. it feels really intensely as though there is a hole in my head. just wait it out. what was that? . . better.

ok, so back on track. like there ever was one. i wrote all this stuff before in my head, and now i have nothing. i wrote it on my power walk. yo. wosh. yosh. yo. yeah. you heard me. power walk.

what is hilarious, though. is my neighbourhood. yesterday, i met some random kids at a very large picnic table that i regret not taking a picture of, but didn't want to weird out the random kids by taking a trillion pictures of the same thing. anyway. so things are being set up quite tricky and clearly these days. it's so obvious every time that you know you can't feign ignorance when you've missed an opportunity. a lesson. a challenge. an obvious sign. so you roll your eyes, look to the sky and exhale forcefully through your closed lips, as if the sound it makes will somehow release some of your tension anxiety. and you turn around, because - duh - you walked right by it the first time, and you step right out of your comfort zone. and you know you won't regret it cause - duh - it's such an obvious sign.

duh. now, that is a silly word.

and then today, the place was teeming with people of an age-group hitherto unknown to me in these here parts.

hith·er·to: (adverb) Until this time


i'm reading a book on reading poetry. a book on reading.
i am reading it aloud. a book reading.

so, there are kids everywhere. just driv'n places and sitt'n the park and standininfront of their places. kids everywhere. and Life's like: see? i toldja.

so prepare to debark from your comfort zone.

so. powerwalking is my new favourite thing. not really cause of the people. but just cause it gets me out of the house. and more importantly, and who am i kidding this is the one and only main reason: it's better than running.

eff, i hate running. i mean. sort of. . like. . whatever i hate it.

perhaps running is better after you build some stamina. but i hate it.

at least for now.

everything's at least for now. everything is so interim.

in·ter·im: (noun) An interval of time between one event, process, or period and another. (adjective) Belonging to, serving during, or taking place during an intermediate interval of time; temporary: an interim agreement.

and besides. i could power walk forever. i'm serious. i've always thought myself a rather accomplished fast walker. and i could power walk forever.

except though i thought i saw the same truck drive by twice, and then it might have come by again but somehow from the opposite side and like two other trucks and one truck-suv-ish vehicle drove by and all the big truck-ish vehicles were weirding me out and i got paranoid and went home.

and Kesey says, you're either on the bus or you're off.
Tom Wolfe, the electric kool-aid acid test.

in front.

in front?

i'll work on that. Life will make sure of that.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Nobody and Me

nobody blogs anymore. nobody and me.

story of my life = nobody and me. eff, it's boring over here.

sometimes i think i'll have to kill myself if every day is like this. and this isn't even the bad days. i wish it was a bad day. then i'd just go to sleep and pretend like it wasn't happening. boredom on the other hand, will not be dealt with through sleep. i'm too effing bored to sleep. and you just lie there all restless like and whatever. booooo. whatever. this is a stupid post. you all know it. you are just too nice to say. you being the no one left who reads my blog anyway... so how could you say? so you aren't nice. you are just no one. nobody and me.

what am i doing here? what do i want to be doing here?

i have no answers.

i just like to hear myself talk. i should hope i like to hear myself talk... remember. cause nobody and me. yeah. you forgot.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Blogger Fix Up = A Mess

i spend a lot of time waiting for people. and being disappointed.

and i just scrolled down through my last post and noticed that my punctation and spacing effects are not being properly posted. and that is a big bummer. cause it looks cool when i write it. but then blogger effs it up. taking it upon itself to say 'i think these extra spaces are in error'. well eff you, buddy. let the people screw up if they want. cause now you've gone and effed up the whole effect. and the people want effect. how will people learn if you just keep fixing their mistakes anyway? and really... a couple extra spaces. who cares? people make mistakes all the time. you don't fix those mistakes. I NEED MY EXTRA SPACES!!

well, i guess you'll all just have to wait until the book comes out then. i'll make sure my damn editors are smart enough that the effect is not lost on them. they will say oooh that's nice. or they will be fired.

stupid blogger, eh?
of course there are always definitions. . .

Saturday, June 10, 2006

I Have A Secret

there are a lot of things you can do on the internet. in fact, you can make a whole night of it. in fact, you can get yourself psyched up for a night of it and feel guilty about turning down real world plans - i hope they don't think i am turning them down because i have a date with the internerd; or i hope they don't think i'm a loser because i turned them down because i have a date with the internerd; or am i a loser because i turned them down because i have a date with the internerd?

of course. not saying this happens to me. er.

to err is human.
to sin is divine.

it's supposed to be forgive isn't it? is it bad that i couldn't think of that until just now and that i started trying to think about it three hours ago? am i a loser?

life is a competition. only the strong survive. don't show weakness. don't even think about crying. walk it off. walk it off.

walk it off.

anyway. the internet.

i love the internet. what a wealth. the good. the bad. the ugly. the beautiful. the reprehensible. the criminal. the magnificent. the awe-inspiring. the truth.

it's all truth. it all makes up the truth.

we all make up the Truth.

i have a secret.

i have many secrets. but i was thinking of one in particular.

i hope it turns out well. i hope you will be there to see it. i must start working immediately. err. sometime in the near future...

ahhhh, it just really set in there. that's better. relax. breathe. it's not going to get easier to understand from here. hold on tight. light loose.

if this is just e n g l i s h . . . . . . ?

imagine the possibilities.

that was beautiful. but you might not have been there to witness it. or at least you might not have been aware that you were there to witness it.

oh. i'm sorry... i haven't made sense in a while. it's not your fault. mommy and daddy still love you. please. don't cry. it's just that. . it's just that. . . i'm not sure of anything anymore. so everything comes out like this. of course. it all makes sense to me. it's. just. that. . . there are a few different modes. you happen to catch me in one of them often lately. which makes sense if you realize that certain scenarios are more prone to a certain mode. and i tend to have time/like to write in certain scenarios. so i write in certain scenarios. inevitably, as logic dictates, i write when i am more prone to a certain mode.

the logic wasn't flawless. and you know how i feel about perfection.

perfection is defined by imperfection.

they said.

the new cups seem so oriental to me. they are decorated with helmets and coat(s?) of arms. and i know this. and still. everytime i look at the cup, it seems so oriental to me. i called them the oriental cups to my mom and she almost spit her food out. that's when i realized it wasn't some sort of oriental design. that it was really helmets with coat(s?) of arms.

upon analyzing the cup though, i make note of the fact that the design is repeated three times all around the cup, and the background is clear. because of the clear glass, the design is seen again in the backdrop of each design, though entirely eskew. i guess it looks like oriental dragons or something to me. that's just my guess. it could be a number of things, i guess.

. . .

i didn't ditch my friends tonight for the internet. i had other reasons. i will not justify myself. but i did end up finding myself on the internet. and i remembered why i love it. is all. that's why i brought it up.

i have a nasty habit of overexplaining myself.

i have a nasty habit of coming back to the already gone.

i worry to much.

i can smell you, nasty hobbit.
- the dragon (some castle, the adventure-filled forest.)

forrest. forest. forrest. forest. . forest. they all look weird to me.

priviledge. priveledge. privilige. that one tripped us up this morning.

that was paraphrase. by. the. way. and that's just an address. for. your. information.

and the dragons name is Smaug.

smog. it's appropriate.

ten points if you can figure out what book i'm reading. but you're thinking why do i need points? when i've been writing so long, it's like your birthday already anyway. and you'd be right. you don't need points, cause it's your birthday. happy birthday.

that's not only hilarious. it's also extremely synchronic.

it is my birthday. (not my birthday). i didn't even remember until after. i didn't even mean you.

but this is just more proof again that. i. rule. the. world.

it was a really powerful moment when i finally realized that the world did not rotate around me.

it was a really powerful moment when i finally realized that the world did rotate around me.

you wouldn't believe me if i told you. you shouldn't have to. (it revolves around you, too).

we all make up the Truth. (i have a secret).

Wednesday, June 7, 2006

Words Will Never Hurt You

words are powerful. you know i’ve said it before. and i’ll say it again, i’m sure. obviously, the words you use, the words you choose, can have a powerful effect on whom they are used. there is no use denying it. the smallest words can set your heart to soaring for lengths, to crashing for days, your mind to whirling. even those seemingly inconsequential, those muttered under the breath, those sincere, those real, those just slipped out. their power is awesome. their power is incredible.

words are all we really have between each other. really between each other.

‘i’ am only tangible through words.

then who am ‘i’ without words? i am intangible without words.

more important than words used. more importantly, words held back.

i do not exist for you if not for words.
more important than words used. more importantly, words held back.

we relate ourselves to each other only in words.
more important than words used. more importantly, words held back.

we connect in words.

without words.
without words.
without words.
there is no connection.

to hold back. to hold back of yourself. to hold back your words.

choose your words carefully.
more importantly.
choose words.