officially

so, quarter past five. that's like officially evening, right? so, officially happy new year's eve?

i don't know. i find new year's eve so confusing. and i find the concept of a whole new year is also overwhelming for me.

i am easily overwhelmed.

silly little fragile thing.

a story: carried away

"junk," she declared.

"junk?"

"junk."

she chewed her bottom lip. contemplatively. junk? she thought. she stared at it. she tried to see it. she squinted.

she secretively held on to it.

she couldn't hide all the 'junk' she wanted from that little dusty basement under those disapproving eyes, so she kept her one little treasure clutched in her pocket and tried to hide the wonderment in her eyes. she probably wasn't doing a good job. she had never seen so much 'junk' before in one place.

and she could have every little bit of it she wanted?!

she was still excited, but she used everything she had to restrain herself. both in respect for the passing and out of sheer necessity of needing to fit everything into her little apartment.

(perhaps she would buy a bigger place)

IN hale. e . x . h . . a . . l . . e . . . let's be reasonable about this. let's not get carried away.

she has a tendancy to get carried away.

she knows this because disapproving eyes are so clear about it. she knows it in this basement. she pretends she will not be taking any of it.

blllllllllllargh. when will christmas be over. it seriously freaking drags on for a while doesn't it? when can i go back to spending hours alone in my bedroom with the internet. i miss the internet. internet, do you miss me?

before i knew you, i recognized you

i had to sit in front of the computer all day and i couldn't even use the internet. it has been a painful day. another task i unneccessarily took upon myself because i can't say no and i can't accept that my plate is full.

burning cds is painful. i pained myself sixty times over. i hope it is appreciated, but i guess it doesn't even matter. now that i am done, i don't even care. there is no more frustration, only the awareness that i have once again succeeded in a task of little recognition. in a task i thought i was going to fail. i am proud.

my life may not make sense to you, but that is not the point. the point is that it makes sense to me. the point is that i continue to respect myself. the point is i must leave any place that does not respect me.

this is day nine. but it is almost over.

it has only just begun.

peace & love & truth & beauty, my friends.

abc.

re-health, please

so tired.

so always giving in and doing what others want me to.

it's impossible to say no, so if you let me leave, i'll go.

cause i need a little my time.

ten

that was eleven.

oh right.
here you go:
get shopping already.



i remember when i was a kid and christmas used to t a k e
f
o
r

e

v

e

r


.



but now it's like, woops i tripped and it's christmas.
oh %$@#

i let it out of control again, every year like i promise myself i won't.

you didn't even get a christmas tuneskis listski, and i apologize but i lost my itunes playlists but i have been neglecting too much and i don't know that i'll be able to get to it.

whatever. no one cares. bye.

abc.

at the end of another long road

haha. we skipped twelve, too.

i have been out every night this week. this is a rather rare event in my life. the goings out. every nights. of the weeks.

yes, i liked it.

but yes, i am feeling overwhelmed.

and yes, i didn't always exactly cope with it well.


and yes. yes. yes. i'm tired.
and recharged in some other way.

and like always. or like always when i remember to pay attention.

i learned something.

and i remembered again how i've gotten off track.


i am strong.
independent.
woman.

yes. and i order the sushi.

this is what you get

will we skip thirteen because it's unlucky??

no, mostly because i didn't like the pictures, deal with it.

heavy beats. whatever

fourteen days. permission to scream?

i broke my music. needs fixin.

fifteen is boring.

sixteenmo

There are 16 ounces in a pound.

Sixteenmo is the size of a book made by folding each sheet of paper into 16 leaves.

In biology, if a cell divides itself in half every 30 minutes, you will have 16 cells in 2 hours. .

16 pieces are used by each player in a game of chess.

Caterpillars typically have 16 legs. But when they emerge from their chrysalis as a butterfly or moth, they have only six legs.

16 pebbles feature in Samuel Becket's novel Molloy which has one of the longest and most detailed accounts of someone working at a mathematical problem in a work of fiction -

I took advantage of being at the seaside to lay in a store of sucking-stones. They were pebbles but I call them stones. Yes, on this occasion I laid in a considerable store. I distributed them equally between my four pockets, and sucked them turn and turn about. This raised a problem...

The following six pages of the novel describe different solutions to the problem of ensuring all 16 pebbles are sucked equally often.

Under British law, when you reach the age of 16:
- you can leave school,
- you can marry with parental consent (or without it in Scotland),
- if you are convicted of an imprisonable offence, you can be given a community service order,
- if you are a boy, you can join the armed forces with parental consent,
- you can drive an invalid carriage or a moped,
- you can buy cigarettes and tobacco,
- you can have beer, cider or wine with a meal in a restaurant,
- you may become a street trader.

sixteen as a four by four square. (also a picture of a cat and you know how much i love those).

just want to try something

who am i kidding?

i'm terrible at it this time around. less dedicated. and still, not one christmas mix.

ok, you will get two pictures today, the countdown is now less than accurate and it's usefulness is now compromised. but let's just think of it this way:

if you bought yourself one of those advent calendars or whatever they are called, the ones filled with chocolate and you always forget to open one of the doors for a day and you don't care about it's usefulness as a countdown being compromised but rather praising it for it's successfully getting you to delay gratification so that when it comes it's pleasure is doubles.

anyway. there is very much happening and so little at the same time. like most things: itself and it's opposite.

there is more important things to do than flagrant self-exposure on the internet.

nineteen

19

19 is a prime number.

19th Nervous Breakdown was a hit for the Rolling Stones in 1966. It reached No 2 in both the UK and USA charts.

Paul Hardcastle's 19 was a No1 chart hit in the UK in 1985. Although it was about the American war in Vietnam, the single only reached No 15 in the USA charts.

The Nineteen Propositions were demands put to Charles I by Parliament in 1642 intended to limit the power of the Crown. The king's rejection of them led to the English Civil War and his execution.

To talk `nineteen to the dozen' is to talk `the hind legs off a donkey' or to talk `a blue streak'.

In the game of cribbage 19 is an impossible hand.

* the nineteen countdown picture was posted after midnight. so i deleted it and am posting it again today to be more accurate.

** oh and i found a new candidate for nineteen. i am happier with this selection.

*** wow i'm anal.

time

like seriously. whoever keeps stopping time better stop it.

and then speeding it up at the good parts. it's just cruel.

stopping time? what time?
like, the time space continuum?
what? time? what?

this is how people's brains malfunction during unscheduled time stoppages. unfortunately, this means i work all day alongside the mulfunctioning brains of otherwise funny and intelligent people.

it would be nice to not have to talk for a while. it would be nice to take a small break from other living creatures of the human. genus. species.

?

ok, bye humans. but this isn't real talk.

abc.

yeah. i could really use some pizza right now.

it's all i can do to not scream

'i like this song because i can daydream to it'

you are full of words.

i am full of worry.

i've said it so many times:

relax.

it's actually pretty easy to not scream. it's pretty easy to not speak at all.

the christmas countdown begins again and you are bored already

yag.

i am borrowing all the countdown pictures from last year, just so you know. i figure you loved them so much last year.

that and i am not at home so i can't take new photos. cause i would have replaced this one cause it's shite and uncreative. whatever.

anyway. why do i suck at blogging?

bye.

abc.

mmmmm... piiiiiizzzzaaaaaa

it's ok. i married pizza and cats a long time ago. best idea of the day.

today, i hugged a lady at a shoe store. cause i was on the brink of disaster and she literally whisked me from the back of the store, where it seemed my only hope lay and it so happened to be my favourite section: the cheaper section, to the front of the store to basically the shoe that i had been picturing only a little improved in both colours that i was looking for it. ooooooooooh. and twenty bucks! like.... um, can i hug you?

see, you can understand right.

oh, i need the shoes for a formal tomorrow. probably an important detail. more explains the anxiety. though not exactly explains.

so there you go.

you can understand the demand, can't you?

oh well. the lady seemed to understand. she hugged me and i think she thought it was awesome. most likely i sensed that she would before i even offered the demand forth... i don't know what happened to that sentence?

and then a question mark popped up.

oh and then very very randomly i found an old friend. who happened to have exactly what i had been out of.

which brings me to this particular point in time. and i assure you the pizza is divine.

oh and i think i had three separate conversations about how awesome cats were, one right after the other, and i remember just how much i love cats and always have since i started liking them only like seven years ago, and like since then i have had six cats, oh but i have known personally more like ten cats.

which reminds me......

so anyway, today i could not promise someone that i would not live with a whole slew of cats at some point in my future. like he asked me to promise and i was not even like, but i can't be sure that might not happen to me... i was more like, but that's what i want how can i promise not to?

that's a weird fire.

there's too much going on right now. *curls up in a ball sucking thumb*

frig that. i don't need comforting.

those asterisks are cool.

oh by the way, my little sister just got engaged. ummm... congrats.

reactions probably not to follow because she reads this. or maybe she doesn't anymore.

actually, i'm still not exactly sure how i feel or why.

it's all i can manage

so i went and got you all excited and then i full out missed december first. if i could go back to having no life and being able to blog regularly, i would do it for you. but it's just not possible.