Friday, August 31, 2007

precious little

it's a precious innocent little whimpering thing that gets into this kind of mess. it's a precious innocent little whimpering thing that climbs into my lap and lets me patiently pick this mess out with clinging fur. it's a precious innocent little whimpering thing that still loves me despite all the pain i've unintentionally caused. it's a precious innocent little whimpering thing that lets me take care.

i love this precious little thing and i have all the patience in the world for any mess he needs me to take care of.

circles in squares

Thursday, August 30, 2007

i smile

all aboard

we're bound to find each other when we are on the same bus, traveling to the same places.

from an obvious distance, you see.

she doesn't want to talk about it. living like this and getting high off the attention and guilt at the same time. this whole game is a lie and at the same time some sort of perverse truth that is truer than the most honest of things. truth and honesty are linked, admittedly, but they are so very much not the same thing. but in all honesty, i don't think anyone really knows the difference.

but she knows the difference. intuitively. even if she's unwilling to admit it. she's open and honest with herself even if no one else will have the pleasure. to be honest, she is protecting their pleasure this way. no one said this was going to be easy. this sorting out of truth and honesty. this mixture of anxiety and compassion. the ever neutral bias. this great big love.

sure, she'll lead you on and go astray. sure, she'll tell you things you never heard anyone say. sure, she'll go places with you neither one of you's been. and sure, she'll do it all over again. with yourself and others. you're kidding yourself if you think you knew her and you didn't know this. you've seen that great big heart and you've heard that great big smile and you've laughed at words unsaid. and besides, you know this.

but everyone goes places and she knows this about herself and others. others recognize it only in her. some are afraid to admit it. recognize yourself and hear your great big smile. she never thought so much of herself to be the only one.

smile with your eyes

be great, chief. be humble. be brilliant.

speak with your smile of perpetual peace and universal wisdom. walk gently on the earth, speak softly to the waves.

laugh lightly and openly.

speak with your eyes more clearly than people find words or the confidence to understand. speak simple truths, decorated.

be strong. be beautiful. be understated. be love.

boxcar meetings and feather bags

there are signs everywhere. obvious to the point just before hitting me in the face with it. there is a call. to a simpler more natural life. where family support is strong and easily accessed. where people move as a unit, not like separate beings interested only in their own individual desire. a community of greater gooders interested in mutual happiness and welfare. i worried i might have given up the dream. but it never dies. the obvious never dies. the truth is a direction that beckons more consistently though maybe not with such glitzy lights. it's voice is calmer and wiser and speaks to a part of me that recognizes only what is right though speaks quietly so as not to disturb me. a pleasurable housemate though i sometimes forget he is there. like a cat that lets themself in and out and only complains when you forget to feed him.

but i think you know. i think there is some wisdom you hold ransom. but i think you know you'll know.

how wonderful you've seen the same signs. you seem to travel easier and write fewer postcards. i hope one day i'll meet you in a boxcar; you'll hold my hand and pull me in. i'll drop my pencil on the passing rail, but you'll have extras of many things. though your bag seems filled only with feathers.

too much all this stuff

this world is hard to live in. i have to admit that. i think it's getting harder. i hope collectively that we are getting better and moving towards a greater good, and my gut tells me it is so and then i think it will be easier for everyone, but we aren't there yet and there is so much to figure out. this too many options, too much wasted potential, too much sell-out, too much greed, too much all this stuff world. i don't know. my head hurts.

blindfolded freedom

i used to be a power ranger. my mother used to credit God with all my accomplishments. i resented this, of course - sure that the power came from within me and nowhere else -stubborn with ego and pride. and isn't disempowering empowering? like when you patiently bend your will to a child's, even though you, yourself, are terrified of spiders. it's a sort of limited freedom, but a freedom nonetheless. faith, in sort of the same ways: an agreement to make the right choices. yes, you have some choice in the matter, but the authority comes from elsewhere.

or as if someone had already picked out the movie before you go to the rental place.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

here, take my shoes.

do you love anyone? genuine, unconditional love? everyone loves someone.

the more we take, the less there is for everyone else. maybe even not enough? not enough for just the necessities. not enough to just get by.

now picture that person. that person. the one you love so much. how could you do that to them? how could you do that to anyone? that person is everyone, my friend. that love is everyone.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

getting dizzy

it strikes me as a little odd, as i crouch here behind the bbq and hide from the neighbourhood, that i spend part of my time sitting out in the open playing guitar and singing to the neighbours like i don't care despite the gaping hole in the bushes to the street so i am right out there for every to see. and the other part sitting here crouched behind the bbq, strumming lightly and humming melodies under my breath. it strikes me as a little odd, these two continually battling sides of me. sometimes i am practically tumbling, head over feet, down this hill, head or feet first, changing so rapidly. so that i get dizzy sometimes.

but it's in the changing back and forth that i sometimes get to see things i wouldn't have normally seen.

have you ever looked up as you drove? well, you should be in the passenger seat. and i suppose this requires some sort of convertible or sun roof option. but nevertheless, have you ever looked up as you drove? everything's so different that you practically don't recognize the street you've been living on your whole life. granted, much of the drive is sky, which is variable and so unable to help you in the task of recognition in this case. but trees, tops of buildings, poles and traffic lights all seem fascinating. like i'm a child seeing things again for the first time. traffic lights especially. i don't know what it is about those traffic lights.

and of course, sky is awesome always.

i find it difficult to believe that people can look up at the sky and not recognize the face of God. i mean, He's everywhere, but come on! you don't paint pictures prettier than that.

and look around. there isn't anything chaotic about it.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

nine twelve angels

so, you, too, have heard the angels. they don't even open their mouths when they whisper! but, shoot, neither do we. how do you think we navigate each other despite our strongest efforts not to acknowledge each other? how do you think we are always finding each other despite our most motivated attempts to remain isolated? where could you people come from if we hadn't been talking this whole time?

in and then on you go. bubbles on the slightest air currents - merging and bouncing and popping.
turning inside out and disappearing.

there is no A and B. it is just here and now.
what's the rush? the pace is out of your control.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

anybody need some furniture?

it's terrifying - simply terrifying - the sheer volume of things we posess. houses that posess us filled with objects that posess us and we hold them close to ourselves and don't stay away from them for very long. and we call them our posessions when, indeed, they posess us.

there are literally thousands upon thousands of things in this house that i haven't touched or even looked at for years or maybe ever. what's the point?

we are called to give up our posessions. to be ready at any unexpected hour. i am appalled at my own lack of preparation. i am ashamed because i know better.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

at least i think that's what it said

i saw this on a sign and applauded the ten words that expressed what i'd been trying to say in too many more:

man sees what we do
He sees why we do

about recognizing

i'm holding on too hard and trying to force things that aren't ready yet. i know i will recognize these things as they are happening, but before they happen i wonder

is this it?

but if you are questioning it then isn't it obvious?

this is it.

the difference is obvious.

Friday, August 10, 2007

bambi's friend, whales.

i fucking love

i fucking love, man
i fucking love

how did you people
get so fucking incredible?
and where did you all come from.
and shit, but if it isn't the easiest thing in the world to smile.

sorry for the cursing. i needed the words to explode.

it's our lucky day, slacker plays:

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

most likely just another step

you can either see inside or you cannot see inside. it is nothing to be measured this insight. just how often you take a look and how much you open your eyes.

another proposition, yes, but not necessarily unecessary.

never necessarily impossible.

this everybody inside.

and that's the whole story

the little one crouches
and puts a finger to his lips


we laugh at his logic
because things get quieter the lower you get

we crouch to close the gap


but you should see how fast he picked up on chop sticks!
none of this ask your neighbour social ritual
none of this stubborn focus on hand placement
yeah! what about the whole top part of the stick!?

we are tainted by experience
we make too many assumptions
we don't get the whole story

you're busy justifying things you never should have had to explain in the first place

we're going hard, moving fast, running out but anyway you can't rush it or push it so forget it, you're wasting your energy. and anyway you're moving too fast.

anyway, where's the fun?

just sit on it. things have a pace of their own. they fly of their own accord.

can i ask if counting from one to six is significant in any way

username password username password password password pin
it's a puzzle now to get to into everything.
they advise you to make em all different - somehow more secure
but man i go crazy remembering.

i have a sliver from a piece of clothing. . ?

and what do you have to say for yourself?
well, maybe it's an ocd thing.


- we can trust no one -

Saturday, August 4, 2007

whatever it takes.

it's one big brawl: my ego versus everyone else's ego. the result is just a whole bunch of empty broken people.

i'm having trouble with a lot of these preconcieved notions. shadows of rules and guidelines that follow us everywhere though we hardly even know it. tradition and ritual and roles and stereotypes and games and manipulation and i can't figure out where i stop and it begins.

it's all a big mess and it's just a matter of sticking it out until you've sorted it all out.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

it's not face to face, but it certainly isn't facebook

no one emails anymore.

i miss email.

the only emails i get are notifications from facebook that someone has done something to me, on my wall, invited me to something whatever i don't know. i hate the invitations. i'm not interested in more impersonal vampire bites and whatnot. some more faceless poking or super poking or whatever, i don't care. i like pictures. videoes maybe. perhaps a greeting card, but mostly i'm just not that interested anymore. whatever happened to email. whatever happened to really knowing someone and interacting with them. whatever happened to strong bonds and how were they so easily beaten by strained virtual bonds. whatever happened to sharing responsibilities and taking care of each other. i miss my family. i miss always having someone around in an emergency that you don't even have to think about it. i miss being so close with people that you can say terrible things to them and get over it - not that i want to say terrible things anymore anyway. i miss simple, good food. i miss that time when everything we ate wasn't considered bad for us - shit, we can't even eat the good stuff, now. i miss being able to trust the world.

i miss email.

baby steps, you know.